(Ask Donlan – he explained it all to me once.)
Wall Street Titan: Robot Death from Above
Wall Street Titan is a game that takes revenge on the greedy capitalist pigs who destroyed the global economy by doing their sums wrong and something to do with sub-prime mortages.
On He-Man and staring into the void
Mobile gaming is an odd place sometimes. Games that would be considered banal on any other platform, or mediocre at best, get passable write-ups because there's content, it runs okay and people overlook the fact that controlling it often feels like there's an open pritt-stick strapped to your every finger.
There's progression, the game is ridiculously cheap and it fills the void we laughably call our lives - so where's your problems Mister Moaner?
Angry Birds: Star Wars – Hooray! Not rubbish!
There was (long ago, far away etc) a time when Star Wars games were a bastion of quality. Even the crap ones like Rebel Assault.
Angry Birds: Star Wars is a throwback to that halcyon era. It’s seemingly constructed by someone locked in a time capsule that predates The Phantom Menace and, reader, I love it.
The week’s picks: Hungry Giraffe and Verticus’ fallen hero
Hello, brave occupiers of Hookshot Heights. I’m just chiming in to flag up two iOS releases that might tweak your interests this week.
I’m sure you’ll be too busy bathing in the goopy red glow of Call of Duty headshots to notice – but what about that galling minute between bouts of Team Deathmatch? Or when you’re performing your ablutions?
Text Based Multiplayer Shooter: Words at War
We live in exciting times for those to whom the words 'Go West' are less an excellent Pet Shop Boys song, and more an invitation to saunter through text based adventure, grues and mangrove swamps.
Curiosity: Toilet door graffiti for the soul
Curiosity is the world’s first multiplayer rust simulator. The fingers of thousands of people tip-tapping on a vast cube – spreading patterns of decay wherever your eyes can wander.
Of course, though, there’s also a whole lotta penis.
Forget Drop7, all the cool kids are playing DropN
People, people: prepare to hold the effin’, jeffin’ phone. Put on a startled expression, rub your eyes in disbelief and prepare for some serious mathematics as Darius Kazemi of Tiny Subversion blows your tiny little mind.
Angry Birds Star Wars: Still not rubbish
The big news this week hasn’t been the House of Mouse encircling Lucasfilm like an evil Trade Federation and facing little to no resistance – or even a soon-to-be evil child actor shouting “Now that’s pod-racing!” while everyone around him vomits into promotional cups.
No, it’s Angry Birds Star Wars! Which still doesn’t look rubbish.
Punch Quest floors Hookshot to become Featherweight Champion
Behold: the consummate eternal puncher. PunchQuest is a free-to-play triumph – the story of men, wizards and gnomes with big fists knocking seven shades of sherbert from dungeon-dwelling nasties. Download it now, and thank me later.
Funky Smugglers – National security has never been this much fun
I showed Funky Smugglers to Parkin and Donlan on the train back from our victory at the Games Media Awards, and made lots of happy noises. They looked at each other for a while, and then Parkin said: “That looks like a real ‘Will’ game”.
Wimp – Who Stole My Panties? (Also: heart)
There seems to be some confusion online as to whether it’s Wimp’s pants or panties that’ve been stolen, suggesting that the cute alien blob has some underlying issues that he needs to work through, but the race to reclaim them is still very much on.
Hookshot Inc win big! Take photo to prove it!
Ladies and Gentlemen, last night the team behind much beloved downloadable game blog Hookshot Inc won an award! It was something called a ‘Games Media Award’, and it was thrust into our hands for ‘best coverage of games on a blog’.
We drank quite a lot, had a few manly group hugs and then Donlan said ‘Sorry’. It was great!
