It’s a matter of public record that Angry Birds has conditioned me to despise pigs. My early devotion to catapulted avians has left me snarling at the Sainsburys meat counter. Those… those pigs! With their stupid crowns! How I hate them and their smug little green faces.
It seems, however, that Rovio want to quell a hatred that they themselves first engendered. They want me to smile along with Bad Piggies. As of the 24th of September they’ll expect me to build vehicles for those… fiends… out of the materials they allot me on each level.
Does the last few years of bird vs. pig war mean NOTHING to Rovio? Just when the battle looked won – both at home, and in space – they decide to pull this on us? Suddenly they’re all: “Oh hey! We’ve pretty much crushed the pigs (generally under falling wooden planks) but now we’ve decided they’re pretty much a-okay”. That’s some thunderous bullshit right there.
I don’t know what Rovio get up to in Finland (wherever THAT is) but where I’m from we finished what we’ve started. Unless it’s getting three stars on each level which, to be honest, can become a bit of a chore.
I, for one, will not be creating wheeled vehicles and flying machines for spherical swine. I certainly won’t be tapping the screen to unleash boosts, flaps and puffs of air from their constituent parts either. It would be rank hypocrisy. Death to all pigs.
Bad Piggies will be available on iOS, Android, Mac and PC from September 27th. Apparently it works quite a lot like Amazing Alex, but it’s also a lot like Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts. Only with ARSEHOLE pigs.