As far as I’m concerned Sir Steve Redgrave has earned the right to slap his name on anything he damn well pleases. I’d eat breakfast cereals in the shape of a coxless pair sweep-oar boat. I’d hire a pedalo with his face on. I’d consider a Sir Steve tattoo.
This does not preclude me, however, from taking the piss out of the forthcoming Sir Steve Redgrave’s River Adventures.
It will be posited that, fresh from his five consecutive golden Olympics, Sir Steve is off to the Amazon for tilt-based river rapid frolics. Or, at least, an Animal Crossing version of him with rosy dimples, blue shorts and a fairly casual relationship with reality.
Sir Steve Redgrave, as ever, has a hunger for gold. He’s an auric addict – so it’s down to you to tilt your phone or pad so he can gobble it down while his boat surges downstream. Just as he used to contend with in training alongside Matthew Pinsent, meanwhile, the waters are filled with alligators and piranhas just waiting for the next cox to be thrown into the river in an ill-thought victory celebration. Not to mention some turtles.
With Sir Steve’s River Adventures following in the wake of a certain sprinter’s Bolt! game, Hookshot Inc look forward to rival titles like Lance Armstrong’s Big Bike Fix! and a version of Angry Birds where grumpy Andy Murrays are fired over a net and into the flaming mouth and eyeballs of Rafa Nadal.
Until then, we guess, it’ll be us and Sir Steve’ll mucking around in boats.
Sir Steve Redgrave’s River Adventures will be on the App Store fairly imminently.