The big news this week hasn’t been the House of Mouse encircling Lucasfilm like an evil Trade Federation and facing little to no resistance – or even a soon-to-be evil child actor shouting “Now that’s pod-racing!” while everyone around him vomits into promotional cups.
No, it’s Angry Birds Star Wars! Which still doesn’t look rubbish.
We’ve seen terrible things done in the name of Star Wars. It’s a franchise bled-dry by soulless prequels, a relentless business-focus and the trampling of dreams. (Unless you’re eight years old and think it’s still awesome - like an IDIOT would think.)
Catapulting in from stage left, then, we have Angry Birds Star Wars. I’m here to tell you why it won’t be rubbish.
It's here! The Second Coming of Rovio is here! Well, actually - perhaps this could be thought of as the Third or Fourth Coming, technically. Maybe even the thirtieth or fortieth one you take all their previous games into account.
So what I'm basically saying is that Bad Piggies just rewrote the Bible, and added DLC.
It’s a matter of public record that Angry Birds has conditioned me to despise pigs. My early devotion to catapulted avians has left me snarling at the Sainsburys meat counter. Those… those pigs! With their stupid crowns! How I hate them and their smug little green faces.
Will launching projectiles at physics objects ever get old? Probably not. After all, who doesn’t like destroying things? It’s what we’re bred for. We start off knocking over piles of toy bricks, graduate to Jenga and then move onto concentrating on the world in general.
Fred Dibnah is our king.
Those guys at Rovio, who had a modest cult hit with Angry Birds, have released a teaser video on YouTube, boasting about one billion downloads for their pig squashing physics game.
But it also hints at what's coming next. Clue: it's not Angry Birds 2: Revenge of the Pigs
Hookshot Inc. caught up with Super Mario creator Shigeru Miyamoto in Paris this week.
Turns out the world's most famous game designer is more than just a fan of the world's most famous smartphone game.
He wishes he had made it.
I first discovered my hatred of the pigs on April 27th 2010. I was about to get on the Eurostar for a journalist trip to Paris, and I was wearing new shoes. I was quite proud of them. They’re all scuffed up now. My first foray with Angry Birds made a strong imprint, you see.
It was a nice man called Rich Jenkins, who then worked for Nuts magazine, who first showed me the pigs once we’d stopped talking about boobs and some of the people who have them...