We’ve seen terrible things done in the name of Star Wars. It’s a franchise bled-dry by soulless prequels, a relentless business-focus and the trampling of dreams. (Unless you’re eight years old and think it’s still awesome – like an IDIOT would think.)
Catapulting in from stage left, then, we have Angry Birds Star Wars. I’m here to tell you why it won’t be rubbish.
- If you’ve played the excellent Angry Birds Space, can you honestly tell me that you don’t want to fire a Luke Skywalker red bird so he catches the Death Star’s orbital gravity, flies around it a few times and ends up going up its exhaust pipe? Imagine all the TNT boxes in the middle of the fully operational battle station going thermo-nuclear! Those pigs’ll be for it then, huh?
- There’s going to be an AT-AT full of pigs with imperial helmets – and you’re going to have to knock its feet from under it. You don’t want to topple an Imperial Walker with catapulted force-birds? What exactly is your problem?
- A sniggering pig, with a moustache, beneath a Darth Vader Helmet. If you’ don’t think that’s great then I am sorely out of touch with the common appeal of pigs and intergalactic evil cult leaders. To me, that would seem perfect light entertainment while on a commuter train and surrounded by snoring businessmen.
- You’ll knock pigs off Jabba’s barge and into the Sarlacc pit. In his belly they will find a new definition of pain and suffering, as they are slowly digested over a thousand years.
- TIE Fighters have pig faces.
- The fame of Star Wars’ characters, set-pieces and alien creatures have always made it ripe for pastiche – the Angry Birds sense of humour (much like that of LEGO) can almost certainly make the most of rich source material.
- There’ll be an awesome new range of Angry Birds toys, t-shirts and maybe some cool posters.
- Star Wars, despite everything, is still quite good. Angry Birds meanwhile, despite everything, is also still quite good.
Angry Birds Star Wars does the Kessel Run in less than twelve par-secs on November 8th.